New Year's Eve

Hey! So, today is the last day of 2010 - wow! - where on earth did the year go?? I remember last New Year's so busy and looking forward to so much change in this year, and indeed there was a lot of change. Most of the change was on the outside - moving across the country, my husband changing jobs, my mom, daughter and granddaughter moving in with us. LOTS of change - and much of it for the good!

This year has been so crazy busy with so much to get used to and so much to do, there has been precious little time to focus on me. That's where 2011 comes in...

This year I will take time to focus on me, learning about who I am and what I love and who I want to be. Looking forward to welcoming in this New Year in just a few hours. Happy New Year everyone!

Eating Guidelines

I don't know if you are familiar with anti-diet guru, Geneen Roth. She has hit the scene hard this year, when her latest book "Women Food and God" came out. She was on Oprah twice talking about this amazing book. While I loved this latest work, I have been a fan of Geneen's for over 10 years and love each and every one of her books - each one speaks to me in a different way.

So, in case you haven't read any of her books, I'll give you a (very) brief overview...
Geneen was on a roller coaster of weight loss and gain for many years. This cycle culminated in her burning her diet books in her bathtub more than 30 years ago. She decided it was do or die time - literally. She gave herself permission to eat what she wanted, when she was hungry, at last trusting herself to not eat herself to death. After a time, she found herself healthy and happy at her natural weight - a realistic, natural place for her body.

Geneen's "method" includes eating guidelines... I am going to reflect and work one guideline at a time, adding a new one each week. This week's guideline: Eat when you are hungry. Mmmmm... that doesn't sound too difficult, right? My interpretation of this guideline is that I will only eat when I have an actual, physical need for food - when I am honest-to-goodness hungry. Not bored, sad, lonely, feeling fat and/or ugly, angry; hunger is not an emotion it is a physical state. So starting now, at 5 pm on Thursday, December 30th, I will eat when I am hungry, when my body needs food. If I "mess up", I am going to figure out why, without beating myself up.

There is so much more to Geneen's story and her insights are truly amazing! I highly recommend all of Geneen's books. One of my goals for this coming year is to read one non-fiction book each month and I am going to make part of that goal re-reading each of her seven books again - starting with "Feeding the Hungry Heart". I promise that if you are a compulsive and/or emotional eater, if you read any of Geneen's books you won't be disappointed!

Am I really hungry?

I am almost never hungry. How can I be? I eat so often that I hardly ever give my body a chance to feel hunger. In the rare instances that I do give myself the opportunity to get really, truly hungry, I find I actually like the feeling. Really like it. So why don't I do it more often? Why do I start eating and then find myself unable to stop?

I saw a post on Twitter yesterday that said "if the problem isn't hunger, the solution isn't food". Wow. I mean it is so simple and obvious, yet at the same time profound. If I were to abide by this simple statement, weight would not be an issue.

But the underlying issues would still be there, waiting to be either smothered by another candy bar, order of fries and giant order of popcorn or uncovered, allowed to see the light of day and allowing me to - at last - become conscious and move forward in my life.

Goals and the New Year

Every day recently, someone will ask me what my New Year's Resolutions are going to be. I always say the same thing: I don't have any. It's true. In my experience, that feeling on New Year's Eve that tomorrow everything will be different is terrifying. I mean, realistically we know that it is unlikely that we will wake to a new reality on New Year's Day. So, why do we do this to ourselves? It's no wonder the gym is full the first week of January and by Valentine's Day things have gone back to normal. And those who have fallen away are most likely feeling badly about themselves.

Instead of resolutions, I prefer to set goals for myself each year. It is comforting to me to have something to strive for throughout the year. Goals are something to work toward, reach for in the long (or short) term, but I don't have to wake up one morning as a new and improved me.

Some of my goals for the year:
- lose weight - working through my hurt, pain, self-hatred, etc. and slowly allowing my body to return to its natural weight.
- 365 days of yoga - I love yoga, and this is a great stepping stone goal for me, ambitious as it may be. I'm not shooting for an hour class each and every day, but at the least 5 sun salutations.
- transition slowly from vegetarian to vegan - not as a weight loss scheme, but because I know my body feels better is happier without animal products.
- on the first Monday of each month, prepare an ethnic meal for my family
- read two books each month - one fiction and just for fun, one non-fiction and just for making me think

I'm sure there will be more in the days to come, but I think these are plenty for now! Have you given thought to your goals for the year? Where would you like to be - inside and out - a year from now?

Here I go...

Welcome! I am so happy that you decided to join me on my journey inside of me this year. I am on a mission to learn about myself - find out why I do things and eat things that are just not good choices. Why do I scarf down a Coke and fries when I just had lunch an hour ago? Why do I eat foods loaded with wheat, when I know that I have a sensitivity to wheat that makes me feel like total garbage a half-hour later? Why do I keep thinking things will be different?

The "whys" go on and on. The answers are inside. I just need to know where to look and how to find them. I have some great teachers - some I know personally, others are authors of amazing books - who are super knowledgable and will be helping me out along the way.

For the next couple of days I will be choosing goals for my life in 2011. Weight loss is one, for sure, but more importantly, seeing inside of me - finding out who I am, what I love, why I do what I do.

I am so excited about this journey and looking forward to sharing it with you!