Uh oh, I'm getting desperate...

Oh boy, it's that time of the year again. The one where I'm ready to run to Weight Watchers because I'm thinking this time will be different. This time I'll lose the weight. This time... Instead of listening to my body, figuring out what it needs (and doesn't need) and figuring out why I eat the way I do, I want someone to second guess me. To tell me what to do, what to eat, how much to eat, etc. Really??

Why don't I trust my own body and mind to have the right answers? I mean, our bodies aren't wrong, are they? They may be turned down or tuned out from being ignored and treated so badly, but they are not wrong. We are naturally programmed to know when we are hungry, what we want and how much we want when we are children. At some point, for many of us, things go horribly wrong and we end up on diets - eating peaches and cottage cheese for lunch while our classmates scarf down pizza and cookies. It's no wonder we hate our lives, if that is what life it. We are waiting to be our classmates - to be able to eat a piece or two of pizza and not feel guilty about it or not have to run 3 miles in the morning to make up for it.

Our hunger is only hunger. Food is only food. If you use food for what it truly is, we will never be heavy because food is nourishment for our bodies and our bodies are aware of how much nourishment they need.

So for this week at least, I am putting WW on hold -even thought theyare offering some great deals right now. For me, for now, I'm going to trust my body to what is right.

New Week, New Me

Wow - it's been a crazy busy week but a good one. I have worked much of the week and taught a yoga class yesterday. Then we went out and tried something fun and new - snowshoeing!!! It was AMAZING! Just like hiking in the snow. Can't wait to go again - it was just plain fun. :)

I spent the week really thinking about eating only when I was hungry and, with just a few exceptions, I did really great! I haven't weighed myself - I will, but am not sure when. I know the weight will come off as I pay attention to my hunger and fullness as I eat...

This week, my goal is to eat only to a fullness level of an 8. Comfortable - definitely full, but not stuffed. I know from occassional past experience that once I get past the inital feelings of fear and discomfort when I don't have a full belly, I actually find that I really like that light feeling I have when I'm not overeating and feeling big and bloated all the time.

I spent some time thinking about some things this week - not dwelling, but just thinking about some stuff. I remember when I was a young girl, maybe 11 or 12 and my grandfather (my dad's father) told me my outfit didn't look good on me because I was too fat. I called my mom crying. Then not long after that, my step father calling me Crisco - fat in the can. Nice, right? Nope. And let me tell you - I was not even close to fat! I was, even before I reached my full height of 5' 10", taller than most all girls my age, so I was bigger, for sure, but by no means was I fat! Why did these people think it was okay to tell say things like this about me? I'll tell you that I am sure now that this was the beginning of my body image issues. It is so sad because I wasn't even fat, they just made me think I was, and I believed them.

Eating When I'm Hungry

I've spent the past couple of days eating when I am hungry. Really thinking about whether or not I'm truly in need of food or if I'm just feeling like it's time to eat, everyone else is eating, or I'm feeling some emotion - positive or negative - that I am trying to avoid.



There have been several times these past few days where I was heading to the kitchen for some food when I realized that, while I wasn't "full", I also wasn't truly hungry. So, I didn't eat. GASP! It was definitely scary, uncomfortable. An odd feeling to not feel full, not to be waiting to have enough room in my stomach to eat without being stuffed when I start.



That sounds so crazy, re-reading it. Why am I more comfortable when I am stuffed? Why do I eat junk that makes me feel like crap? Why? That, my dear, is the question of the century...